Category Archives: Relationships

Love is Super Cool

Today is Loving Day, the anniversary of Loving v. Virginia, a 1967 Supreme Court decision that made interracial marriage legal across the United States. (This post is a new version of this post.)

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It’s cool if you love someone.
It’s cool if you love being on your own.
It’s cool if you love someone of the same gender.
It’s cool if you love someone of a different race.
It’s cool if you love two someones.
It’s cool if you love differently.
It’s cool if you love people in a platonic kind of way.
It’s super cool if you love yourself regardless.



For more about aromanticism, check out this Lexicon and FAQ or the AVEN Wiki.

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I’m aromantic. I don’t experience any romantic attraction to others.
I’m grey-romantic. I experience limited romantic attraction.
I’m demi-romantic. I experience romantic attraction only after emotional connection.
I’m aromatic. I give off a pleasant smell.

Identities Narratives Stories

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Transcript: Identities are narratives, stories we tell ourselves about who we are. I am a queer sex educator. I want to go to grad school to study public health or psychology. I’m interested in nonmonogamy. I think that… Identities give us focus, remind us of our goals, and help us find a place in our community. They’re useful and important. But they’re also limiting. They demand borders and boxes, like a resume that can’t go over one page. When everything has to fit neatly, we’re forced to forget the parts of ourselves that don’t make a good story. I’m a queer sex educator, but I also sometimes do lights and sound for sketch comedy shows. And I’m really excited about cooperative living. And… We’re too nuanced and complex for a simple narrative to contain a true picture of who we are. But when we try to maintain multiple identities, it’s easy to feel like we’re just stretched too thin. I wish I had a tidy answer, but I don’t know how to fix it. I only know how to start by acknowledging the problem.

6 Comics About Polyamory

A few of my favorite comics featuring polyamory and nonmonogamy:
1. The Feeling is Multiplied –
2. Poly in Pictures –
3. Polyamory isn’t for Everyone –
4. Kimchi Cuddles –
5. Open and Closer –
6. What’s Up With Nonmonogamy –
7. (NEW!) Along Came Poly –

Love is Cool

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It’s cool if you love someone.
It’s cool if you love being on your own.
It’s cool if you love someone of the same gender.
It’s cool if you love two someones.
It’s cool if you love differently.
It’s cool if you love people in a platonic kind of way.
It’s super cool if you love yourself regardless.
Happy Valentine’s Day from

Design Your Own Relationships!

Book – Sex From Scratch by Sarah Mirk
Article – SoloPoly: Riding the relationship escalator (or not)
Book – Redefining Our Relationships by Wendy-O Matik

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a few notes about how to DESIGN YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIPS!

YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE SEX! Or have it soon, often, or in any particular way. And sex doesn’t have to go along with romance, intimacy, or commitment.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE MONOGAMOUS! You can be nonmonogamous, monogamish, polyamorous, open, exclusive with more than one partner, or into the occasional threesome.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIVE TOGETHER! Or share a room, share a bed, or do it all the time. (You don’t have to share your finances, your stuff, or all your friends either.)

YOU DON’T HAVE TO GET MARRIED! And the legal paperwork, religious ceremony, and social event don’t have to go together.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE KIDS! But you also don’t have to have a partner if you want to, or have to raise your own biological offspring.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO STAY TOGETHER FOREVER OR PLAN TO! It’s not a failure just because something ends, and it doesn’t mean it wasn’t meaningful.


You don’t have to be monogamous because you live together, get married because you have kids, combine these things in any particular way, do them in a certain order, or progress at some preset speed!

If what you really want to do is do it all in a really traditional way THAT’S OKAY TOO! But you can also mix and match and do whatever works for you!


Want a poster of this? Check out the prints page!

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What’s Up With Nonmonogamy

Sex Ed Hipster: Nonmonogamy is when you have more than one sexual or romantic relationship
Red: Like cheating?
SEH: Well, cheating is a kind of nonmonogamy, but I want to talk about ethical nonmonogamy.
Red: Huh?
SEH: That means everyone involved knows what’s up and consents to it.
Red: How’s that work?

SEH: There are so many kinds of nonmonogamy! I can’t even list them all! Someone in an open relationships might have a boyfriend but also have sex with other people. If a couple are swingers they might exchange partners with another couple for just a night. Or a couple might have a threesome. Any kind of group sex is nonmonogamy. Polyamorous people have multiple loving relationships, but there are a lot of ways to be poly too!

SEH: In a poly vee, one person is dating two people. IN a triad, three people are all dating. And then there are four people in a quad. Some groups are closed to outside involvement, but others are open to it. Some people would call a person they live with a primary partner and a person they see occasionally a secondary. But ltos of people don’t want to rank who they’re seeing like that. Of couse not every relationship fits those labels, and some people don’t like to use them. There really is a huge variety in these kinds of relationships!

Red: But how does nonmonogamy work? Like do you ask for permission?
SEH: It depends. Some people will check in before going on a date or having sex. A couple might have rules about safer sex or staying overnight. But every relationships handles this stuff a little differently. What’s important is to talk to your partner and find agreements that work for you.

Red: I could never be nonmonogamous.
SEH: That’s okay! Nonmonogamous relationships don’t work for everyone. And monogamy isn’t a good for everyone either. It’s about choices!
Red: But why would you want this?

SEH: There are lots of reasons someone might prefer nonmonogamy! They want more than sex their partner, or a different kind of sex, like kink, or want to explore a different role. They’re attracted to people of more than one gender. Or they just fall for more than one person at a time. They like the variety and find it exciting to be with more than one person, or they get bored otherwise. Or maybe they do sex work. Or they enjoy group sex. Or they like the sense of freedom and autonomy.

Red: Nonmonogamy just sounds so complicated!
SEH: Well…
Red: And what about jealousy?
SEH: It’s not always simple. But you can work through and deal with a lot of that stuff. It’s important to think about what you actually want from your relationships, because it might not be the same as what you think you’re supposed to want. <3 Nonmonogamy Resources - just a few of them! Books: Opening Up, Redefining Our Relationships, The Ethical Slut Websites:,, Communities on Facebook, Tumblr, Reddit, and Meetup