Category Archives: Sexuality

The Slut Shaming Prude Shaming Double Bind

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Slut Shaming
(“You can’t go out dressed like that!”)
And Prude Shaming
(“You really need to go on more dates!”)
Work Together
To Trap Everyone
(“Only six people ever?”)
(“Wow, six is a lot!”)
But It’s Your Body, Your Life, Your Choices.


Also check out Not Having Sex Is Fine Too!

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Wanting to have a lot of sex doesn’t make you crazy.
Having slept with a lot of people doesn’t make you used up.
Deciding sex is worth some risk doesn’t make you stupid.
Attending to your own pleasure doesn’t make you selfish.
Having kinky, queer, or casual sex doesn’t make you immoral.
Getting an STI doesn’t make you dirty.
Seeing multiple partners doesn’t make you a whore.
Choosing to do sex work doesn’t make you cheap.
Talking openly about sex doesn’t make you fair game.
Dressing any way you want doesn’t make you a slut.

Safer Sex Is About More Than Condoms


Safer sex is also about other barriers (gloves, dental dams, diaphragms), other kinds of birth control (the pill, the patch, the shot, the implant, IUDs, emergency contraception), getting tested, getting treated, communicating with partners, pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP), post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP), vaccines, universal precautions, safewords, checking in, adapting to various physical abilities, attending to personal histories and emotional needs, knowing how to use your toys, understanding your body, and so much more. Safer sex is not about prescribing any one set of behaviors, it’s about empowering people to be aware of risk and make informed decisions about their own actions.

What You Should Know About HIV

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HIV is a sexually transmitted virus that can lead to AIDS. Because it was only discovered three decades ago, and a lot has changed since then, there are many misconceptions.
“Can I get HIV from kissing?”
“I thought only gay men got it.”
Here are a few things to know about HIV in the US today.

People of every age, gender, race, and sexual orientation get HIV.
“I got HIV from my girlfriend. She didn’t know.”
“I was born with HIV.”
“Honestly, I’m not sure how I got it.”

But HIV does disproportionately affect some groups, such as African Americans and Latinos, men who have sex with men, transgender women, injection drug users, sex workers, and people in jail or prison.
“Stigma made it harder to get tested, which made it more likely I infected someone else.”
“I’m young, gay, and black. I know I’m at high risk, so I’m extra careful.”

The annual average for new HIV infections is going down, but it’s still going up for some demographics.
“This is not a way these communities are failing, it’s a way we are failing them.”
“We have the tools we need to end this epidemic, but we need to target high-risk populations with education and services!”

With early detection and treatment, HIV does not significantly reduce life expectancy.
“When I learned I had HIV, I thought my life was over.”
“I take one pill a day and see the doctor twice a year. I’m lucky to have minimal side effects.”
“I’m 60. I’m pretty happy, pretty healthy, and hoping I still have a few years left.”

But only a third of people with HIV are on antiretroviral therapy, and one in five don’t even know that they are infected.

When an HIV infection is virally suppressed, the chance of transmission approaches zero.
“I’m HIV positive and virally suppressed.”
“I’m HIV negative and diligent about condoms.”

People who don’t have HIV can also significantly lower their risk of contracting the virus by taking a daily pill (called PrEP) or taking medication after possible exposure (PEP).
“I know my behaviors put me at a slightly higher risk, so I take PrEP to give me piece of mind.”
“My doctor recommended I take PEP after a sexual assault.”

HIV can be spread through blood, semen, vaginal and rectal fluid, and breast milk. It can not be spread through spit or sweat, casual touching, water fountains, or toilet seats.
“I don’t care what gay guys do with each other, I just don’t want to catch anything!”
“You’re worried about nothing, and you’re being a jerk.”

There’s no vaccine or cure for HIV.
“But we’re optimistic about creating some in the future!”
“We’re learning new things all the time!”
“And coming out with new options for prevention and treatment every year!”

Waiting For Love To Have Sex

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My parents were always very progressive about sex and relationships. But I remember them often telling me, “You should wait until you find someone you love.” I don’t regret that I lost my virginity to someone I loved, but I also don’t regret that I’ve had sex with people I wasn’t in love with too. And I’ve had friends tell me, “I’m so glad I didn’t first have sex when I was in a serious relationship.” So I guess I’m just saying, do what feel right for you. And that’s the best I’ve got on this one, sorry.

Identities Narratives Stories

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Transcript: Identities are narratives, stories we tell ourselves about who we are. I am a queer sex educator. I want to go to grad school to study public health or psychology. I’m interested in nonmonogamy. I think that… Identities give us focus, remind us of our goals, and help us find a place in our community. They’re useful and important. But they’re also limiting. They demand borders and boxes, like a resume that can’t go over one page. When everything has to fit neatly, we’re forced to forget the parts of ourselves that don’t make a good story. I’m a queer sex educator, but I also sometimes do lights and sound for sketch comedy shows. And I’m really excited about cooperative living. And… We’re too nuanced and complex for a simple narrative to contain a true picture of who we are. But when we try to maintain multiple identities, it’s easy to feel like we’re just stretched too thin. I wish I had a tidy answer, but I don’t know how to fix it. I only know how to start by acknowledging the problem.

Sex Rights Are Human Rights

The Sex Law podcast is also on iTunes!

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The right to sexual freedom
The right to sexual autonomy, sexual integrity, and safety of the sexual body
The right to sexual privacy
The right to sexual equity
The right to sexual pleasure
The right to emotional sexual expression
The right to sexually associate freely
The right to make free and responsible reproductive choices
The right to sexual information based upon scientific inquiry
The right to comprehensive sexuality education
The right to sexual health care



Not Having Sex Is Fine Too

Also check out our post on Slut-Shaming!

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Having a lower sex drive doesn’t make you unhealthy.
Not feeling sexual attraction doesn’t make you broken.
Waiting until you’re ready to have sex doesn’t make you uptight.
Having anxiety issues around dating doesn’t make you a loser.
Prioritizing other things over sex doesn’t make you a weirdo.
Avoiding sex after being traumatized doesn’t make you damaged.
Having conventional desires in bed doesn’t make you boring.
Being careful about sexual risks doesn’t make you irrational.
Not always wanting to have wild sex doesn’t make you a prude.

Asexual Comics!

Asexual Comics! – comics about people who experience no (or little) sexual attraction
1. Debunking 5 Common Myths About Asexuality – an awesome quick intro –
2. Asexuals: Facts on the Mythical Creatures – short comics –
3. Ace Comics! – various comics by lots of different people –
4. Shades of A – ongoing fictional story –

Liking Sex Isn’t Bad

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Liking to have sex doesn’t make you a bad person.
Liking to have a lot of sex doesn’t make you a bad person.
Liking to have casual sex doesn’t make you a bad person.
Liking unusual kinds of sex doesn’t make you a bad person.
You just have to respect and support your sexual partners.
You can have all the sex you want and be a good person.
Like more like this? SexEdPlus(.com)

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